Most of us know of only two approaches to negotiations: "win-lose" and "win-win". Win-lose negotiators are only in it for themselves, and while 'win-win' negotiators are a bit more open to your needs, they're still hoping to come out on top as well. This recent post on Virgin's Entrepreneur blog introduces a 'one-win-everything' negotiating technique according to the Dalai Lama's principles.
This technique is a thoughtful way to negotiate where everyone wins--it means getting what you want, while making sure the other side gets exactly what they need, and the good of everyone else gets met as well.
Negotiating like the Dalai Lama
1: Smile (and have a sense of humour). The people at the table do not disappear after negotiation. After the discussion ends, you may/will still do business together so be nice, have fun and make friends whenever possible.
"Remember that the best relationship is one in which your love for each other exceeds your need for each other."
2: Sit together (be on the same side of the negotiating table). When you sit across from others, you're often seen as the challenger. You want to be on the same team, and friends sit together. Lose the table, or find a glass one because transparency and closeness is the key to friendship.
"I defeat my enemies when I make them my friends.”
3: Find out what problems they want to solve (then help them solve those problems) In 'one-win-everything' a new technique to negotiating is 'helping'. Discover the other side's problems, then help them solve them.
"An open heart is an open mind."
4: Never get angry When offended in striking a deal, it’s nothing personal so don’t get mad. Take a calming breath in, then out. Think, one-win-everything.
"The way to change others’ minds is with affection, and not anger."
5: Ask 'how does this affect the rest of the world'? If this is a win for all, move forward. If not, figure out if and how you can make it a one-win-everything before moving forward. And if you cannot, walk away.
"When you lose, don’t lose the lesson."
6: If someone is rude, start over (return to Step 1: Smile). Begin again - never let others influence you in a negative way. Instead, do your best to influence them in a positive way, or walk away.
"Someone else’s action should not determine your response."
Step 7: Never say no (instead, give the other person an 'mpossible "yes, if"). This is a very sly tactic. Always say, "yes, if", then add an impossible contingency. If faced with an unreasonable proposition, say “Yes your request is possible, but only if you do A and B” and A and B are what the other party cannot agree to. You won’t have to say no because they’ll say it for you, and hopefully move on.
The Dalai-Lama says "yes, if" and lets the other side say "no".
"There is no hundred per cent winner, no hundred per cent loser - not that way but half-and-half. That is the practical way, the only way."
Visit Virgin’s entrepreneur blog for more lessons on corporate life.